...And I'm a gay conservative.
At the time I am writing this I am 46 years old and soon to be 47 at the end of this month. I've had a very interesting journey to find my way to where I am at in the world today and I'd like to take some time out to share that with people online.
Today what I am saying is even more unpopular than it was originally when I made the decision that the path I was leading and the views I had were utterly and completely wrong. It's like coming out again but this time instead of it straight people that I was scared to tell about my sexual preference, it literally can be terrifying to confront gay people and out yourself as a conservative.
My choice to start writing about my life and the things I have gone through is in part a means for me to deal with all that I have gone through as much as it is to share with others the flip side of a coin and tell a brutally honest story about how I managed to come to where I am today. From being a Democrat in spirit when I was younger, to growing up and repeatedly falling on my face and picking up the pieces and starting over again... until I came to a point in my life where I literally was forced to do something for the sake of my own survival.
You see, it so happens that back in 2010 I ended up in the hospital. I was there for a five day stay that ended up becoming a life changing event for me. It was just over a week after I had turned 40 and I came to end up hospitalized for congestive heart failure. My whole life came to a halt and I was forced to fight the government just to get basic disability benefits because my condition at the time was so bad. It is a fight that lasted nearly four years before I finally had my day in court and won my case in front of a judge.
Never in my life had I been forced to take a handout from the government and it really did a number on me because I had always been able to provide for myself. I had started a lawn care company after being in Information Technology for the better part of 20 years. I wanted to work with my hands and be outdoors and live a healthier lifestyle. I was working out 3 to 5 days a week, had a personal trainer, and even was caring for my grandmother until she passed away in May of 2010. As a matter of fact not only did she pass away that year but both of my grandparents on my dad's side of the family passed away that year too.
So on top of health issues cropping up I lost three of the people I cared about very dearly because they were my closest connections to my family, all passed away and everything I had been trying to build and do for myself was suddenly collapsing and I had no idea what to do or how to rebuild after losing nearly everything that mattered to me in a matter of months.
Today I am still living on disability but I am working every so hard to turn that around to where I can stand on my own two feet. Today I am eating better, have sought out medical help to start me on a path to being able to be independent and able to contribute to my relationship with my partner of nearly 5 years. I'm fighting each and every day to better myself and to start holding myself accountable for my own future again.
I've fought through bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and a number of health issues related to my heart and weight. I'm still working on these things each and every day but I have a positive outlook and ambition to spare. I get up each day and I try to better myself because I want the person I love to find pride in having me a part of his life as well I crave the satisfaction of making myself proud to contribute something and be someone important if but to no one else than my friends and family.
In some ways my life and who I am seem to be in contradiction yet I see where I am as a story that might help others and certainly is going to help me to feel better if but for no other reason than the fact I am spilling my guts somewhere that I can go back and read someday. I can hope that some of the things I talk about resonate with others and with some luck find some feedback that helps me learn and grow as a person. Ultimately my goal is just to talk about things that matter and share my memories and life with others.
I'm just like so many other people out there. Lost but looking for the way through. My life helped me to get to the place where I think as I do now and it's my hope that other people in the gay community will see some of what I am saying and relate to it as well. It felt like I was coming out again when I told others in the gay community that I am a conservative. People that I knew who are lifelong Democrats and friends with for years cut me off and whether they knew it or not, the treated me just like many parents treat their children when they come out as being gay. There was no difference in how it made me feel. The rejection and the hatred were every bit as harsh.
I want to tell the other side of the story. That's why I'm here.